Non Sequiturs

President Obama said he wants to close tax loopholes. Representative Boehner responded that the American people won’t accept tax increases on job creators in a depression. If I were Will Shortz, the NY Times and NPR Weekend Sunday puzzlemaster, I’d ask how many non sequiturs you can find in that response. If I were William Shakespeare, I’d plead “Let me count the ways.”

How many can you count? Here’s my list:

  1. Somebody is creating jobs.
  2. Somebody is creating jobs in America.
  3. People who are using tax loopholes are creating jobs.
  4. People who are using tax loopholes are creating jobs in America.
  5. People who are using tax loopholes are creating jobs with the money.
  6. People who aren’t creating jobs now would create jobs if we’d leave them alone.
  7. Investors are so poor that they can only create jobs with government money.
  8. If investors create jobs with government money, then it isn’t the government doing it.
  9. Since no one else is creating jobs, it would be totally unfair if the government does.
  10. The people who vote for Republicans aren’t smart enough to figure this out.

I have some alternative logic:

  1. Congressional Republicans believe the free market solves all problems.
  2. Congressional Republicans believe the free market is sullied if there are any regulations.
  3. Their belief in the saving power of a free market unsullied by regulation is a matter of faith.
  4. Since their belief in the saving power of a free market unsullied by regulation is a matter of faith, facts are irrelevant.
  5. Since their belief that the saving power of a free market unsullied by regulation is a matter of faith, conversation with people who understand what is actually happening is sacrilegious.
  6. Since conversation with people who understand what is actually happening is sacrilegious, Congressional Republicans need to build Churches, Temples and Mosques in which they can deliver their faith-based message.
  7. Real Churches, Temples and Mosques wouldn’t confuse economics with theology.
  8. But building new Churches, Temples and Mosques would stimulate the economy.
  9. Since building new Churches, Temples and Mosques would stimulate the economy, what happens inside Republican Churches, Temples and Mosques is irrelevant anyway.
  10. The Congressional Republican theory of reality produces absurd conclusions.
  11. Therefore it is utter nonsense.
  12. We’ll see how many people buy such dribble.
  13. All this would be funny if it weren’t so sad and so cruel.

— This commentary was broadcast on WAMC Northeast Report, July 16, 2011.

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