If Market Analysts Say So, Scramble

Of all the things we have to listen to, the thing that frequently leaves me fit to be tied is the business news. When the economy was good there were all these guys from market research firms and financial services companies saying things would be better if only the unemployment rate rose. People out of jobs? Great for America! Brings down the wages of everyone else – so’s it becomes a free market where labor is free and people do a lot of volunteering like they’re doing now, working for nothing, even paying for the privilege of getting a little experience while making someone else rich.

Those market analysts must have some influence because the red state party can’t stand anything that looks like putting people to work. Imagine hiring people. No that’s big government. You hire a brick layer or a ditch digger, that’s big government. I guess all brick layers and ditch diggers are 7’4″ with arms, like ole Ted Kluszewski, so big around, your thighs would have rattled in his biceps – now that’s big government. No, better that all those Kluszewski look alikes should panhandle and sleep in alleys than that we should hire them to do something useful.

Oh those analysts and those reds don’t like unions either. Same reason. You’d a thunk that unions are only good for the wages of plump government workers – you know like the woman who gives you the eye test for your drivers’ license – must have more money than they know what to do with so them come to work at this boring job just to keep themselves sane. But actually union wages raise everybody’s wages. Union scale forces others to compete and raise the wages they pay. So we’re all getting a union bonus even if we don’t know it. And that’s why those analysts and reds hate the unions so.

Now they’re talking about the rising price of oil and its going to bring down the economy. Let’s be clear – it’s not the oil that’s going to bring down the economy; it’s listening to these guys. It’s easy to deal with the oil – you slap a $2 surcharge on the oil for the government’s share and you fix it in the tax code so that it doesn’t come out of American pockets but it comes out of foreign pockets. That’s the right way. But will you hear them market analysts suggest that. Nah that would be big government – doing us a big favor which makes it even worse. And on top of that it was thought of by those environmentalists so it must be nuts. Can’t stand those environmentalists – I mean it ain’t so bad if the world crumbles but why do we have to worry about it now. My heavens if you put that surcharge on the oil and gave people a break in the tax code, folks, ordinary folks that actually burn oil, would find cheaper ways to do things, ways without the oil. Isn’t that what we want – shift the money from Iran to us and slow global warming. Boy those market analysts must be puritans because they sure don’t want us to be healthy – except I have a bit of trouble thinking of puritans with multi-million-dollar bonuses.

— This commentary was broadcast on WAMC Northeast Report, March 15, 2011.

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